Yeah, me neither. According to the Chinese TAs who work at my branch of work though, I look like Taiwanese megastar Jay Chou. I asked them how I could resemble a Chinese person, and someone said, “Well, you both speak Chinese…”

Of course.

Other Miscellanea: I’ve got an adapter for the camera now, so video production will resume as previously kinda-scheduled. I’ve got a busy week coming up, but I’m still hoping to do that little bit on the Olympics.

Also, I met a bunch of the neighbors yesterday in an attempt to apologize for/disassociate myself from my roommate’s cultural faux pas/pet murder. They were very nice, but they reminded me like no one yet has just how bad my Chinese actually is. I went out and bought like 5 different textbooks today, and a bunch of Tintin comics in Chinese, too.

Regarding music, I haven’t done a ton recently. I’ve got about a couple verses that may or may not end up on American Expat, 5 or 6 songs for my regular solo project, and one instrumental done for the project with Sarah Clark, although I haven’t heard whether she likes it or not yet.

I was going to post a video today about the Olympic opening ceremonies, and what having the Olympics means to Chinese people, but two things got in the way. The first is that I discovered I’m going to need some sort of adapter to plug in and charge my camera here. The second is that my roommate is an idiot, and it’s affecting my life.

I was sitting in the Foreign Teachers’ Office today with a few other teachers when he came in, clearly flustered. He’s often sort of flustered–he’s been putting a lot of effort into meeting Chinese people and just getting out, but he’s been ripped off a bunch of times, and just generally found things difficult (he doesn’t speak any Chinese). Then, he told us that he had just killed someone’s pet.

At first, I figured that was some British figure of speech I had never heard, but no. He saw a praying mantis tied to a string that “appeared to be suffering” and killed it. This, shockingly, had angered the insect’s owner. In an annoyed tone, he explained to us that he had been forced to get a Chinese-English dictionary and explain to them “praying mantises aren’t pets.”

Of course, Praying Mantises have been pets in China for thousands of years. They eat other insects and don’t stain rugs, and so are often kept tied to a string near beds so as to get rid of pests. They apparently live 5-6 months, and I imagine they aren’t kept in the winter, so the one he killed probably had a good couple months left.

It might have been suffering, of course, but honestly, unless you’re an expert in praying mantis behavior how could anyone tell? Can insects even feel pain? (According to this guy, no.). And even if it WAS suffering, why didn’t he tell the pet’s owner that instead of telling him that his pet isn’t a pet?

The answers to these questions are not clear to me. I did ask him if he would kill someone else’s dog if he saw that tied up somewhere. He answered that when he lived in the Middle East, people there considered cats pests, and left poison out for them. The poison took a while to actually kill the cats, he said. He paused for a second, and then: “A cat’s neck isn’t easy to break.” As he said it, he left my room.

The cultural superiority and general insensitivity he displayed is simply staggering to me. I knew that he held some misguided opinions about Chinese culture, but I figured they came more from ignorance than anything else (and that’s a problem a lot of people have when it comes to China). Telling someone his pet isn’t a pet, and refusing to apologize or even pay for it after you’ve killed it, though…that’s something else entirely.

And, of course, as the only other foreigner living in this area, everything he does reflects on me, and in all likelihood, people get the two of us confused. Great.

Today I had my first class. I was fairly nervous about it beforehand because I was taking over someone else’s class for the week–the original teacher is taking this week off to move–and I was teaching the lowest level class we offer here: preschool. So, essentially, I was told to write a lesson that would amuse preschool kids for an hour and a half, and teach them some things, including reviewing a bunch of old vocab (Snake! Notebook! Pencil Case! Soup!) and learning some new stuff (Big! Small! Hot! Cold!).

Needless to say, I was pretty panicked when I actually stepped in front of the class for the first time. I think I did a decent job of hiding it, and it turned out they were more terrified of me than I of them. At the end of the first activity, which involved me chasing students and trying to tag them after they read a specific vocab word, I heard one of the girls say (in Chinese to the TA) “the teacher is frightening!”. I think she was sort of joking, though.

Anyway, the kids definitely had fun, and they seemed to learn some stuff, too. They were very solid on the review material, and picked up the new vocab I was teaching them very quickly. For 4-6 year olds, they were pretty calm. All in all, it was a good class.

The highlight, probably, was when I was doing a relay game with them where I ask one student, “How are you?” The student must respond, “I am fine,” then turn to the next student in line and ask them, “How are you?” and so on down the line. One of the girls, Coco, was pretty sharp but didn’t have the longest attention span, and during one of the relays she clearly forgot what was going on. The student next to her asked her “How are you?” and she froze for a moment. She turned to me, looked at me with extremely wide eyes, and then turned back to the student who had asked her how she was and said brightly, “Hello!”

It was way better if you were there. I promise not to turn this blog into “(Chinese) Kids Say the Darndest Things (in English Class)”, but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t a downright heartwarming experience.

Also, thanks to everyone for the many kind words following my last two posts. Please don’t worry about me; I’m ok.

As previously mentioned, I’ve been having a tough time here so far. Without going too far into why, basically my girlfriend left me (and who can blame her, I moved across the world), and I’ve been having a really hard time dealing with that without the support system of friends I would have in the States. I can’t hang out with friends and talk about it, or call anyone. I’m a huge ocean away from everyone I know and love, among people I don’t know nearly well enough to get into it with.

Anyone who has ever felt that sort of loneliness knows that it can be absolutely crippling. And, to an extent, it has been. I have enough social anxiety issues without being in a new place, surrounded by another culture. It was like I skipped the first two stages of culture shock and skipped right to the part where you hate everything and everyone. The fun part!

Anyway, today I needed to venture out for groceries. Long AIM conversations with the couple friends from the States who are actually still in touch with me had brightened my mood slightly, and I need to eat anyway. As I was walking down the stairs, I ran into an old woman, chatting up another resident who was standing in her doorway. They looked at me–everyone looks at me–so I greeted them and was about to head on my way. Suddenly, I remembered that no one had told us what we were supposed to do with our garbage, so I turned around and asked her.

She was taken aback for a second–many people are when they discover you can speak more Chinese than just “你好” (”hello”)–but answered quickly (apparently, you just leave it outside your door). She asked how long I’d been here, how I had learned Chinese, etc., and then I turned to leave. She paused for a second, then smiled at me and said “Don’t be afraid to ask things, anyone here will help you.” It was a simple thing to say, but I could see in her weathered face that she meant it, and her friend was smiling like she meant it, too.

I thanked her and rolled down the the next four flights of stairs and out onto the street. The Raconteurs’ song “You Don’t Understand Me” was playing in my headphones, and at the same moment I stepped out into the sun, the song exploded its way into the chorus:

And there’s always another point of view,
A better way to do the things we do,
And how can you know me, and I know you?

It was one of those moments when things come together so perfectly that you think maybe there is a god out there. I thought about what that woman said, and the other little kindnesses total strangers have shown me since I got here, and nearly cried. Keep that in mind the next time someone tells you that a little act of kindness doesn’t have an effect on the world. You never know who you might save.

Please forgive the lack of updates. I’m going through some shit. I’ll get back on a regular schedule in a couple days, if I can.

In the interim, here’s a video.

Although I’m aware that this general idea is well worn territory, for those of you who will be watching the Olympics on TV in the West, I’ve created a game!

The problem with the Olympics is that there is all that dead time between events. TV networks in the States tend to fill that time with human interest stories (one of these is always about an athlete from a Soviet-bloc country whose parents died tragically, somehow). These are boring, and beyond them you’ll also have to put up with lots of incompetent China coverage in your regular news because Beijing is suddenly full of reporters. Never fear! I’ve devised a way to help you get through (and even enjoy!) Western Olympic coverage:

Drink whenever:

-The words “Red”, “Dragon”, or “Rising” appear in a headline or graphic.

-Anyone says “Great Firewall of China”.

-Anyone says “Tibet”, “Dalai Lama”, or “Taiwan”.

-There is any kind of commentary on “stark juxtaposition”. Yes, China is a mix of old and new. Yes, China is a mix of rich and poor. Yes, China is a mix of socialism and capitalism. Yes, China is a mix of ancient tradition and modern innovation. For each one of these types of juxtapositions, take a drink. If they all happen within a 5 minute period, finish your beer, then open another, and finish that, too.

-Anyone tells sad, sad stories about old traditional homes that were torn down to make room for high rises. (Bonus drink for every time the reporter says the word “hutong“!)

-Anytime anyone makes a “Mao” pun.

-There is gratuitous use of any of the following in metaphor or graphics: Dragons, Mao, the Great Wall, Tiananmen Square (finish your beer if there’s a reference to 1989!).

-A Chinese athlete who isn’t Yao Ming is mentioned by name (this is only in a human interest piece, not actual Olympic coverage).

Drink once every thirty seconds for as long as any coverage of these issues lasts:

-The air pollution in Beijing.

-Various government attempts to fix the pollution for the Olympics.

-Any local food story that includes the reporter bumbling with chopsticks.

-Any story about “Chinese nationalism”.

Take one drink for each story where

-The background music is a random Chinese classical piece.

-The first 15 seconds include several shots of glowing Chinese characters on the signs of shops at night, juxtaposed with a chef frying something and shots of people drinking and laughing at a bar to connote “nightlife!”

That should do it for you! For those of you watching in China, just drink constantly through any puff piece about the glorious new Olympic stadiums, and finish your drinks whenever the phrase “Chinese characteristics” (”中国特点“) is used (i.e. thing X is referred to as X “with Chinese characteristics”).

Have fun, be safe.