Perspective
As previously mentioned, I’ve been having a tough time here so far. Without going too far into why, basically my girlfriend left me (and who can blame her, I moved across the world), and I’ve been having a really hard time dealing with that without the support system of friends I would have in the States. I can’t hang out with friends and talk about it, or call anyone. I’m a huge ocean away from everyone I know and love, among people I don’t know nearly well enough to get into it with.
Anyone who has ever felt that sort of loneliness knows that it can be absolutely crippling. And, to an extent, it has been. I have enough social anxiety issues without being in a new place, surrounded by another culture. It was like I skipped the first two stages of culture shock and skipped right to the part where you hate everything and everyone. The fun part!
Anyway, today I needed to venture out for groceries. Long AIM conversations with the couple friends from the States who are actually still in touch with me had brightened my mood slightly, and I need to eat anyway. As I was walking down the stairs, I ran into an old woman, chatting up another resident who was standing in her doorway. They looked at me–everyone looks at me–so I greeted them and was about to head on my way. Suddenly, I remembered that no one had told us what we were supposed to do with our garbage, so I turned around and asked her.
She was taken aback for a second–many people are when they discover you can speak more Chinese than just “你好” (”hello”)–but answered quickly (apparently, you just leave it outside your door). She asked how long I’d been here, how I had learned Chinese, etc., and then I turned to leave. She paused for a second, then smiled at me and said “Don’t be afraid to ask things, anyone here will help you.” It was a simple thing to say, but I could see in her weathered face that she meant it, and her friend was smiling like she meant it, too.
I thanked her and rolled down the the next four flights of stairs and out onto the street. The Raconteurs’ song “You Don’t Understand Me” was playing in my headphones, and at the same moment I stepped out into the sun, the song exploded its way into the chorus:
And there’s always another point of view,
A better way to do the things we do,
And how can you know me, and I know you?
It was one of those moments when things come together so perfectly that you think maybe there is a god out there. I thought about what that woman said, and the other little kindnesses total strangers have shown me since I got here, and nearly cried. Keep that in mind the next time someone tells you that a little act of kindness doesn’t have an effect on the world. You never know who you might save.
Grandad on 04 Aug 2008 at 5:28 am #
Hey Charles,
This posting was painful for both Grandy and I. It is bad enough to think, almost everyday, that you are there, but then to know of your travails, increases our anxiety.
When your work begins, that may fill some of the time you have for thinking of other things. My condolences for the loss of your girlfriend. There is never a salve for those feelings and eventually, as you know, but we move on and something even better comes along. I have also felt similarly and may be somewhat qualified to empathize. After a very tramatic period in my life, I found and married your grandmother. That was the “better” that came along in my life because it has given me the connection to you that I value so much.
Grandad
Kellie on 05 Aug 2008 at 11:14 am #
Hey, I found your blog, I’m sorry to hear things are a bit rough (understatement?)…we will definitely have to go out for ice cream or dumplings or something when I get there, you’ll be the closest thing to someone I know in the entire province… hopefully we could both try to shake some of the lonliness (I know I’m gonna get it), though by then you should be working and having a great time
We’ll keep in touch.
~Kellie
eric on 05 Aug 2008 at 12:14 pm #
hey Charlie, glad the story had a good ending. At least this should give u plenty of material to write new songs, just kidding. Sorry to hear about your girl but to quote the hold steady “you gotta stay positive” keep in touch brotha.